


Clearly

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Character Death, Don't Read This, F/M, M/M, Please Don't Kill Me, Shiro (Voltron) Dies, bury your gays trope, im sorry, this is a shitpost, this was a request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-03 01:34:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15808638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I got a request for a shitpost about Lance and Keith fighting about having to act straight. I threw some of my own salt in there.





	Clearly

**Author's Note:**

> I liked season 7. I don't think we were queerbaited nearly as much as a lot of the fandom thinks. I am a klance shipper. I do think Allurance and Kacxa are a little forced. I'm open to discussion. This is a shit post, it's meant to be bad.

  
  


“Hey babe, did you sleep well?” Lance asked Keith as he walked into the room, not knocking. 

“Lance shut up.” Keith hissed at him. He over dramatically wrapped his arm around Axca. 

“Good morning to you too?” Lance turned to Axca, “Hi Axca.” He turned back to Keith, “I didn’t know your cousin was visiting today.”

“She’s not my cousin Lance!” Keith yelled loudly and at no one. “Axca and I are dating!” He pulled the clearly uncomfortable woman closer to him. 

“Keith. Babe. Sweetheart. Love of my life. You are the gayest person I know, and I know me. Also, Axca, aren’t you a lesbian? I thought you had a girlfriend.”

“Lance.” Axca said under her breath, “Don’t ruin this for us.”

“What are you talking about?

“If they find out any of us are gay, they’ll kill us.”

“Who?”

“Hey Lance!” Keith began shouting again, very rudely interrupting, “How is that  _ girlfriend _ of yours? The one with large breasts and a clear absence of a penis!” His gay ass clearly not knowing what makes a woman attractive.

“Keith, what are you doing?” Lance sat next to him. Clearly confused. 

Keith whispered, “I am trying to keep us alive. Not all of us can pass for straight okay? Just keep up the flirting with every girl and we’ll be fine.”

“I don’t flirt with every girl!”

Axca and Keith both break out into fake laughter.

“Oh Lance. You’re so funny.” Axca said

“I suppose you never flirted with Axca.” Keith struggled to find where to put his hand on her arm, then awkwardly smiled back at Lance.

“Because she’s gay! And tried to kill us!”

“And she saved me, that’s why I’m” Keith clearly forced down a gag, “in love with her. We’re in love and we’re happy. You should go find your girlfriend that you love and be happy with her. Then everyone has someone, and we’re all  _ safe _ .”

“Keith, did you like, hit your head or something? Did Haggar get to you like she did with Shiro or something? Blink twice if you need help.”

“Lance! Everything is fine”

“You’re a terrible liar. Keith. I would know because you’re my boyfriend.”

“Yes, we have developed a good friendship over the years as fellow paladins of Voltron.”

“Keith that’s not what I meant.”

“Good morning everyone.” Shiro makes an entrance. “How is everyone today?”

“Good!” Axca and Keith say in a terrifying unison. Lance felt like he was on a show and they were terrible actors.

“They’re being weird. I think they ate some bad food goo or something.” Lance commented.

Shiro laughed, “You know. I really miss Earth’s cooking.” 

“Me too.’ Lance said. His only real personality trait being that he misses his family. 

Shiro continued, “Especially Adam’s. Adam was a great cook.” 

“Who’s Adam?” asked Lance.

“Oh Adam is my exboyfriend. We were going to get married but I left for Kerberos and it all went downhill from there.”

Lance asked, “Wait, Shiro. Does that mean you’re-” 

“Shiro! No!” Keith was sincere for the first time that morning.

“Gay? Yeah. Was that not clear?” Shiro said. Immediately, Axca stood from her seat and shot Shiro. 

“Axca! What the heck did you do that for?” Lance screamed.

Axca, clearly scared of her own actions, stared at her hands, “I don’t know! I had no control over my body.”

Keith stood, “Do you see what I mean now Lance?” 

He gestured at Shiro. Suddenly Lance did understand, mostly, because he’s clearly too stupid to ever fully understand the whole situation. He thought back to all the times Shiro almost died. Was it because, he was gay? This is what Keith and Axca meant. Oh god. 

“Keith.” Lance turned to the other boy. He was again struggling in how to interact with Axca, the lesbian woman who just killed his adopted family member in front of his own eyes.

“Why are they doing this?”

“We don’t know!”

“How do we stop it?”

“We can’t!” 

“Is this why you almost died when you first went to the Blades?”

“I guess so! I don’t know! I’m just so scared.” 

They wanted to comfort each other but knew that if they did, it would be instant death.

“It may be why you almost died in that underwater city.” Keith continued, “You only survived because of Plaxum!”

“I literally died saving Allura and then no one talked about it again!”

“You WHAT?”

“Exactly! This is so messed up!”

“You died?”

“Yes Keith!”

Axca began laughing, a nervous and cautious laugh, “It’s war. You two live dangerous lives. Of course you’ve almost died before. You can’t expect anything less.” It was like she was trying to convince herself and justify everything, like shooting Shiro right in front of them two seconds ago. She was pretty much just talking to herself. 

“I’m going to, go call Nyma.” Lance hesitated. “See if she’s free tonight. You know how much I love girls and only girls. Lover boy Lance and all that.” He chuckled

“Good plan Lance!” Keith shot him an uncharacteristically wide smile. 

“It was nice seeing you Axca.” 

She didn’t look up. They all tried to ignore the blood splatter and dead body on the floor. Lance walked backwards out of the room, fighting the urge to finger gun as he exited because that’s a dead bi giveaway.


End file.
